Good ol' Stormshrug reminded me that since we just finished an RPG campaign, it's time for a new "What I Played". Here it is for Ceros, Techmarine of the Storm Rhinos (successor chapter to the Imperial Fists):
:-D
It is a point of pride for me that the major things getting changed in the new Fantasy Flight RPG book are the ones that this character was built on.
Also, I'm reviving the blog for the thematically appropriate task of talking about zombies. Personally, I have a hard time seeing why people are so fascinated by an army of incoherent walking corpses, but I'm right there with the general public. I often wonder what life would be like in a situation where people some kind of contagion has made so the dead come back to life and try to eat you and you are at risk of becoming like them/normal people are infected by some plague that turns them into mindless consumers of human flesh.
Zombies in concept are fairly old hat by now, and the bottom line for most zombie movies (especially those made by George Romero) is that humans are the real monsters. See also 28 Days Later, the video game "Dead Rising", the Left 4 Dead comics, and many other sources for examples of this. After all, zombies only try to eat you, so you generally know what you're up against. Humans are the unpredictable ones.
Zombie movies also tend to follow certain rules (I know I'll be leaving out
several at least):
1. Zombies don't eat other zombies. (Don't ask me why)
2. Zombies don't swim. (They'd drown?)
3. Zombies are attracted to noises. Loud noises.
4. Zombies don't use tools.
5. Zombies are weak to head shots. (Not saying that removing the head or destroying the brain is the be-all and end-all, but there is no situation where it doesn't help at least a little).
6. At least one of the protagonists or villains will become a zombie. It's just good for drama either when the character has to be put down (if a protagonist) or to show the character's monstrous nature taking form (if a villain).
7. If an uninfected character is unarmed in a room with a zombie who is aware of that character's presence at any point before that character leaves the room, barring the use of improvised weapons at the last minute, that character is toast.
8. In general, if there's more than one zombie and nobody has a weapon, someone is going to die.
9. Zombies have Feel No Pain.
These tropes are pervasive, so I have adjusted my expectations of zombie movies to account for their presence (nay necessity). However, I have grown to expect something different from the modern day zombie movie. While it's all well and good to pay homage to the classics, the fact is that they're classics because they've tread over this ground. Ironically, I want something full of life from my zombie movies, not something old and rotting.
Shawn of the Dead is a very good example of this: it sticks to or avoids all of these tropes, but adds to it that the characters (who are modern day people) will simply refuse to admit that they're in a zombie movie.
Shawn: The Apocalypse is on.
Ed: Let's go to the pub like we always do.
I like it when movies teach new tricks to old dogs, so finding subversions of tropes in zombie movies is a definite plus.
Taking Stormshrug's book, I'm using a version of Rome's Rapid Rubric for critiquing anime (Action/Plot/Fanservice). Behold the ZRR: Action/Fanservice/Zed-Score.
- Action: I heartily believe that, at their core, zombies are mobile punching bags that give you feedback when you're sloppy. As such, the action element of a zombie movie is paramount. Games like Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, House of the Dead, and even Spiderman: Web of Shadows point out to the viewer that since zombies need to be made less dangerous (de-animated?), they are going to kill you, and "that's not your mother anymore" (Shawn of the Dead), you may feel free to dispatch them in whatever way you see fit. Have fun with it. Go crazy (but not sadistic, otherwise you're the villain). Disarm them (literally?) and put them out of their misery.
- Fanservice: Unlike anime fanservice, this ties heavily into the action. What I'm talking about here is the sheer amount of lulz that can be pumped into a scene of the living beating the tar out of a walking corpse. How much style is there? Is it done imaginatively? The premises for zombie movies are generally far-fetched, so let's roll with it. Am I laughing during the movie at all? If yes, higher score.
- Zed-Score: When it comes right down to it, a zombie movie is still a movie, and so should be judged like any other. This score is one to assess the quality of the film in the context that it is a zombie movie. This score largely depends on the other two scores, but will be adjusted based on the qualities that the movies has as a movie (consistent characters, snappy dialog, etc.).
Scores are from 0-10.
With all this in mind, it's time to get to my thoughts on some zombie movies.
The Horde
ZRR: 7/8/6. This movie took me by surprise. First of all, it's the first French horror movie I've ever seen, but the plot sounded like anything you'd get from the U.S.: cops try to take out some narcotics dealers, and while they're doing so, the zombie apocalypse hits. So the dealers and the cops work together with a resident of the tenement that they're in to try to get to safety. There's very little exposition, which is totally acceptable. Neither the audience nor the characters actually know what determines who became zombies or that the apocalypse is going on until it's beating down the door. This lack of explanations left more time for break-neck action. What you get from this movie is mostly a subversion of rule #7: survivors fight back even while unarmed. Somebody forgot to tell the characters in this movie that zombies are supposed to be scary. When a person alone and taking on more than one zombie with naught but his bare fists, he is not cowering, he is fighting for his life, and he is fighting dirty. Beyond the action, the cinematography is fairly nice, but the characters are largely too grizzled and hell-bent on revenge against their teammates to give them much depth. They are, however, a hardcore group of survivors who aren't afraid of getting their hands dirty.
Dead Snow
ZRR: 9/9/9. I've played most of the Call of Duty games, so when I saw, "Nazi Zombies," in this movie's description, I found it hard to resist. The story revolves around a group of Swedish medical students taking a spring break vacation to a cabin in the frosty Scandinavian mountains. Shortly after getting there, they meet a man who warns them of evil in the area and then leaves. What follows is an exhilarating homage to zombie gore-horror (e.g. the blatantly-referenced Evil Dead series). This is mainly a subversion of two standard rules. First: the zombies have retained much of their knowledge, and they were all S.S. Second: the protagonists fight back when outnumbered and even when out-armed. I watched this once alone and once with my dad and brother, and I found myself laughing in all the same places and even a few new ones. The zombies are engaged and dealt with in ways that are tried and true (note the chainsaw in the box art) and in ways that are new and imaginative (e.g. one's face gets abraded off with a snowmobile).
Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood
ZRR: 3/3/2. I was skeptical about this movie and I probably should have listened to myself. With a title like that, there's got to be some good comedy to come out of a zombie movie like this. Turns out I was wrong. From the dated visuals to the stilted writing, to the appalling acting, this was a bad movie. Sure, you've got kung-fu being done on zombies. Sure you've got someone actually working with the idea that, "If zombies are just people who have lost all their higher functioning, and are purely at the mercy of their basic instincts, wouldn't they start trying to do one of the other four F's once they've been fed?" The four F's, by the way, are the functions mediated by the hypothalamus in the limbic system of the brain. They are: feeding, fighting, fleeing, and mating. Well. Zombies know no fear and don't fight other zombies... Actual quote from the movie: "I have had it with these mother fucking zombies in my mother fucking hood." *sigh*
Dead Alive (a.k.a. Brain Dead)
Seriously, guys, you should watch this.
ZRR: 9/10/10. This is the work that made Peter Jackson famous. Once you watch it, you'll think to yourself: I really liked the Lord of the Rings movies, but who the that it would be a good idea to let Jackson direct them based on this? No one will answer you even if you ask the question out loud. No one, because you're alone, so very alone. With tongue firmly in cheek, this movie sets out to make a bloody mess of the plight of the late 20th century 20-something male still living at home with his widowed mother. The mother gets bitten by a Sumatran Rat-Monkey (you read that right), gets sick, and to make a long story short, you get a cult classic gore comedy with too many oddly funny moments for me to recount here without doing them disservice. This may be the only movie that I've ever watched twice in one week of my own volition when I've had other things to do.
What got me to consider watching this movie in the first place was a friend's description of one of the later scenes wherein the main character walks into the anteroom of his house, which is full of zombies. He summarily starts up the lawnmower he's holding, faces the blades ahead of him, and trudges through the crowd. He wipes the blood out of his eyes, and turns around to assess his handiwork. He sees that there are still more zombies and a few spots that he missed in his initial walk. He sighs, picks the lawnmower back up, and resumes his steady walk. A waltz plays in the background.
