If it's not deathmatch, then it's...

...Slayer.

I've been meaning to post on Slayer, a divinely-endorsed band, for a while now, so here it goes.

In the grand scheme of metal, there are several defining acts that exist in a strict hierarchy.

Tier 1 - Black Sabbath and Judas Priest - founded in the same year (1968), these guys defined metal as a genre and have spawned numerous imitators.  Sabbath took blues to the next logical step by making it darker and edgier and are the most popular band in the sub-genre of "doom metal" in addition to being one of the most covered bands there is.  Priest fostered the relentless two-guitar attack, fast riffs, and crazy solos that have led to thrash, power, numerous other types of metal.  These are the metal gods.

Tier 2 - Iron Maiden and Motorhead - Two more British bands who were also founded in the same year (1975) and helped the development of their style. Maiden's combination of literature, history, war, and really long songs has arguably not been improved upon by anyone but them (according to their fans).  A heavy metal band for everyone and one of the big influences on power metal.  Motorhead is basically music for bikers.  They took heavy riffs and sang about what big, angry men like to talk about while acting as progenitors to thrash metal.

It should be noted that Black Sabbath is currently on hiatus (last active in 2007), Priest is still active, Maiden just released a new album, and motorhead is still active.  That is between 35 and 42 years of hard rocking for these bands.

Tier 3 - The 80's were a great decade for music and a bad decade for hair.  They also saw a guitar virtuoso boom (see Yngwie Malmsteen, Marty Friedman, Jason Becker, etc.).  Rock and roll had gotten showy in an almost sickening way.  Thrash metal was the pendulum swinging in the other direction.  Out from the depths of hell came the big four: Metallica, Anthrax, Megadeth, and Slayer.  Hell yeah.  Thrash brought us bleak subject matter, insane instrumental prowess, and a new definition for the image of the hard rocker/metal-head.

For scale, there are thousands of metal acts out there, and these are the biggest ones.

To reiterate, Slayer is one of the biggest metal acts in existence, and they've been going at it for almost thirty years.  The lineup has been relatively consistent:

Tom Araya - Bass, Vocals (writes music and lyrics)
Jeff Hanneman - Lead/Rhythm guitar (writes music and lyrics)
Kerry King - Lead/Rhythm guitar (writes music and lyrics)
Dave Lombardo (Godfather of the Double Bass) - Drums (only band member to be replaced, but he's back now)

They have released 11 studio albums, with lyrics mostly focused on the evil inherent in man, warfare, hell, death, hell, blood, and hell.  They also have one of the most rabid fan bases in existence.   To say to a Slayer fan that any of their members is not the master of his craft and that Slayer is not the greatest band in existence is to invite angry pain.

With that said, here is the point of this post: I do not like Slayer.  They are a bad band.  I feel bad for listening to them.

Slayer has always held something of a morbid fascination to me, and since they are so influential, I decided that I want to make an informed decision about them. In the past weeks, I have gone into the belly of the abyss and listened to every studio album produced by Slayer that features songs by Slayer.  I have braved the depths of hell and the horrors of war in auditory marathons that leave my already jaded ears reeling.

Their riffs tend to simply be tremolo picking punctuated by short descending riffs, their solos are chaotic and mostly about squealing and dissonance, their drum beats, while difficult to play, tend simply be fast and uninteresting.  Then there are the vocals.  I'll bet there are some interesting concepts in the lyrics, but they are IMPOSSIBLE to understand.  Also, Tom Araya has only two settings: fast yelling, and drawn-out yelling.  What he does in any song is the equivalent of having the final explosion of an action movie on repeat (you know, the one where the bad guy dies, and the hero walks away from it in slow motion).  There are no dynamics in Araya's performances (yes, there are other metal bands where vocal dynamics are present, even in death metal, e.g. Gojira, Opeth).  All the flaws described here are evident when Slayer does a cover.  Slayer, I am disappoint.

There is some good that has come out of Slayer, though.  They have roughly one song per album that I can tolerate.  They also have one album that I have found at least 50% enjoyable: Seasons in the Abyss, their fifth in the studio.  Listen to Skeletons of Society.  It's their best song, period.  Everything that Slayer does in that song is the opposite of what I don't like about them: the solos make sense, main riff is driving without making you want to hyperventilate, the vocals are clear and dynamic, and the drums show that Lombardo is actually a good drummer and not just a fast drummer.

Other than that one album, Slayer's good points from my understanding essentially revolve around their influence.  They influenced many thrash metal acts that came after them and have become the gold standard for how hard an album is.  They have also had a hefty influence on death metal, but the titans of that genre are Death (some argue that the genre is named after them), and they were founded shortly after Slayer).  The most pervasive element of their influence, however, is their image.  Slayer is what people picture when they think of a metal band: a band of dirty guys playing fast, dissonant songs while yelling.  While that image isn't necessarily a good thing, it does serve as a means to winnow those who can stand really hard metal from those who can't and lets you know what to expect.

The image is also good for countering the 80's rock and roll stereotype depicted in this video by the Beastie Boys.  Some fun trivia: Kerry King (guitarist for Slayer) is a fan of the Beastie Boys and played the solo in the aforementioned song.  When filming the video, they wanted to have King start playing the solo, and then get pushed off the stage by a gorilla, who would finish the solo.  King refused, saying that if anyone was knocking anyone off the stage, he'd be knocking the gorilla off the stage.  This is exactly what happened.